I’VE FINALLY REALISED MY HAPPY and it’s not what I ever expected it to be

DSC01821

I take my hat off to all these amazing women running businesses, parenting, fundraising and travelling the world, without a chipped nail or smudged eyeliner in sight. They seem to be here there and everywhere, whilst still looking super glam, with happy children and an amazing income to boot. (They must have super powers, right?)

It’s something I dreamed of being able to achieve for years. But the reality is far from it and that life just isn’t for everyone.

BUT THAT’S OK!

I have a secret, that I want to share with you…

This life isn’t for me.

I applaud the success stories and share their tales with a beam of pride seeing someone’s hard work paying off. I follow Insta feeds with glee and use their model as a boost when I need a hit of motivation. Because ‘Wow!’

But, it’s not a life I want. It feels like a revelation to say it out loud and something I never thought I’d say. But I am quite happy in my little City, spending most of my time in my home with my family and a few, carefully chosen, friends.

For years I ignored my body and my hatred of long hours, busy social lives and no down time. And I paid for it. I was constantly ill. I look back at my social timelines and every other day there’s a ‘I’ve got the worst headache.’ or ‘roll on bedtime.’ and ‘I’m so sick of being tired.’ I look again and see I was on Twitter until 2am, up at 6am, working from 7am – 10pm, as well as squeezing in booze fuelled weekends around the Country.

A couple of years ago, after a heavy load of anxiety and depression hit, I sat down and gave myself a good talking to. I looked at my life and sussed that it was the constant pressure to do better, chasing a dream I didn’t really believe in, never saying no, being seen to be busy or being seen to be lazy, that had taken affect. I was running around doing things and seeing people I didn’t really want to. Trying to be someone I’m not and I wasn’t getting any time at home to just be.

I was unhappy.

So I stopped.

I cancelled plans, cut out the negativity from my life and now make sure we have plenty of evenings and weekends at home together, plus time for myself. In between spending time with the people who make us happy.

And I don’t feel guilty in the slightest.

Why? Because this is what works for me. When my life is steady and I treat my mind and body well, my mind and body are good to me. It’s taken me a long time to learn the signs, but my body has always been good to me, trying to tell me when to take a break. It’s only now I’m listening that I’m benefiting from this amazing bit of communication.

To get to this point I’ve had to make some sacrifices in wages and ‘things’. I can’t do the weekly ASOS haul. But all in all I’ve gained so much more.

I know it’s not possible for everyone to change their job, work from home and have a week of free evenings. But if you’re constantly having to drag yourself out of the door to attend something you don’t really want to attend, or you’re running around with illness after illness without giving yourself time to recover – maybe it’s time to sit down and think ‘Do I really need to do this?’

Does the person you’re seeing deserve your time?

Will the office shut down if I take a sick day? Or will I be more productive and less infectious if I go in tomorrow?

Would Granny/friend/Aunty/Uncle really find it that much of a chore to watch the kids for a few hours? Or would they in fact love to be asked and enjoy some QT with their Grandchildren/Friends/Niece/Nephew?

Do I really need to watch every episode of Stranger Things tonight? Or should I get a good nights sleep and wait until tomorrow? (OK, so not everything’s as easy to give up!)

Is my life really so bad that I need to keep chasing the next thing? (Did this for so many years!)

I know so many people that are running around like headless chickens. Sick, unhappy and completely run down. Who won’t accept help, won’t take a break and won’t listen to their bodies.

If you’re happy with your life and you’re well and thriving from the busy, fair play to you. If you’re unhappy, sick and constantly complaining about how busy you are – slow the fuck down, take a break and get well.

It’s hard to take a break. But it can be so rewarding. Listen to your body Mama and don’t beat yourself up for taking some time out. You deserve it. xx

A Life Update – 33 weeks pregnant and getting ready for big school

IMG_6645

We are over half way through the Summer holidays and it has whizzed by. There’s no way we can look back on this time and say we didn’t make the most of our time together. We have been so busy. Days out, play dates with friends, water fights, road trips, and everything in between.

Suffice to say, we’re knackered. We’ve still got another 3 weeks left. (as M doesn’t start school until 12th September!) So we’re going to start to calm things down from next week and get our routine back on track.

GETTING READY FOR SCHOOL

The uniform has been delivered. Sob! It’s just the school shoes to get. Which I’m struggling with. I do not like what’s on offer in the ‘go to’ school shoes store. And Mills’ feet have been the same size for over a year and a half so I’m loathed to rush into getting him anything until as last minute as possible just in case that growth spurt happens. You can guarantee as soon as the £40 goes out of the account that’s when it’ll happen.

We’re both ready for the school journey to start. The anticipation of how he’s going to cope with it has got me on edge. He talks positively about school, but he’s so easily effected by other people’s emotions and actions that anything could happen in those first few weeks.

We’ve met up with some of his new school buds over the holidays, which has been great. Thankfully, there are at least two lovely children in his class with nice families all on the same wave length as us. So it’s a good start.

I know he’s ready for this new chapter, his boredom at being at home is a sure sign of this, but every change brings some hurdles so we’re ready to have a quiet September and October while he settles.

GETTING READY FOR BABY

People keep asking me ‘are you ready?’ but second time around I feel like we’ve been ready since we decided to have a second child. We’ve got all the equipment we need, and some, and a wardrobe full of new born baby clothes that were barely worn the last time around. Plus all the extra gadgets and gizmos I know will make our lives slightly easier when the time comes.

So in answer to your question ‘yes we’ve got everything we need, thank you very much.’

But in terms of ‘being ready’ my tact has been focused very differently this time. I’ve paid more attention to myself. We went on a hypnobirthing course to help me overcome some fears I had of labour and I’m focusing much more on how I felt after having M and what I can do differently this time. I know the rest of the new born stuff will fall into place, so where as last time it was all about baby and I didn’t give myself a second thought, this time, I’m making sure I spend time on myself. Getting emotionally and mentally prepared for this huge change.

7 weeks till DD and I can’t wait to meet this little wriggler. For more reasons than one. I’m so uncomfortable. It’s so high up that it’s getting in the way of breathing, so every position apart from leaning over my ball or sofa is uncomfortable. Which means I’m not sleeping well at all. My hips are really painful. By the end of the day – no matter what I’ve done – I’m hobbling around like a 90 year old with a hip replacement. It’s painful. Sleeping is frustrating and everything is a huge effort. But I know it’ll be worth it, and forgotten, once this little one arrives. The final two months are tough aren’t they. But once school time comes, I’m ready for lots of R&R and baby prepping.

AUTUMN IS COMING

These last few days of rain have got me in Autumn mode. I love a new season and Autumn is top of the list. After the unpredictable summer months, it’s nice to see the ol’ faithful signs of Autumn. It’s giving me the sorting and organising buzz I always get at this time of year, but annoyingly this year we’ve been so on top of house stuff, there’s not as much to do. Around the house that is.

Instead, my attentions are turning to my wardrobe. 7 months of maternity wear will do that to you. I’ve already purchased my Christmas dress. Spotted in Look magazine, I’ve been stalking ASOS for it ever since and snapped it up as soon as it became available. Will share that one on Insta when it arrives.

When I had Mills I totally lost my identity, but since then I’ve discovered a new found confidence in fashion that I’ve never had before. I know what I like, what looks good on me and I go for it. I’m looking forward to some wardrobe refreshes over the next few months to take me from pregnancy to post baby bod and beyond. I love autumn/winter fashion THE MOST. My wardrobe will mainly be comfy jeans and thick knits for day time, but I do love to don the sparkle at this time of year. Sparkle, metallics and leopard prints will be a big part of my winter wardrobe. I can’t wait to get shopping.

IMG_6227

Talking of fashion – Mills will be another one getting a wardrobe overhaul. He’s had the same summer clothes for 3 years! His legs are so tiny that he’s still in some 1-2 years shorts! But he’s shot up and his jeans are resembling ankle hangers. Which is fine when you can roll them up, but of course he doesn’t like them being rolled up. So I need to go shopping and I’m excited. Now he has a uniform for school days, I can go all out for his weekend wear. I’ll be looking at our favourite online boutiques for some stand out tops and hitting the high street for the old faithful skinnies and winter boots.

IMG_6282

I’m looking forward to the next few weeks of just me and Mills time. The calm before the storm. And hopefully once he’s back at school I’ll have a bit of time to finish some of the posts I’ve started. That’s the trouble with hobbies, they take a back burner to life. Annoyingly. But there’s lots I want to share about this second pregnancy, so I will get on it once the craziness of the summer holidays have past.

I’m also going to bring back my ‘Mummy Monday’ feature – where I ask real mums questions about life and parenting. If you fancy being featured, get in touch via Instagram or Facebook – search ‘Mission2Mum’.

Wishing you a wonderful final few weeks of the summer. xx

The Last Day of Pre School – learning to embrace a new chapter

quote alice in wonderland

To say today is an emotional day would be an understatement. It’s a day I’ve been dreading for quite some time because I knew it would be hard to say goodbye to this chapter in our lives.

Over the last two years Miller has been attending an early years school. I decided to start him there when he turned two and, after the initial wobbles, we haven’t looked back.

My feelings towards education has always been mixed. I struggle to comply with a Government who sets such high demands on our children at such a young age, with such little support for our teachers. And I’ve often wondered whether the education system was going to be right for us. Toying with the idea of home educating our son. However, since enrolling him into this pre school I have no doubt that, with the right school and teachers, it can be a wonderful experience. And it’s certainly the right way for us.

I have watched my baby grow from a two year old, struggling with his emotions, finding it difficult to concentrate, join in with group activities or focus on one activity, to a boy of four, who loves writing, asks questions about our world and teaches me a thing a two. A baby who never wanted to do anything without Mama to a kid who has grown into a kind, sociable and popular member of a group. Someone who went from not wanting to mix with other children at all, to developing strong friendships with children he talks about with great passion and love. All thanks to the support we’ve had from the fantastic team of carers at his pre school, who have guided him and worked with us to ensure all his needs have been met.

The sadness comes from a good place. It’s a happy sadness that comes from a journey of love. And, although we’re excited about the next chapter in his life, having to say goodbye to the people we have grown so fond of is a hard thing to do.

We are looking forward to a summer of fun with many of them, but come September, we start a fresh with new children, teachers and parents.

With change comes uncertainty but thanks to the strong foundations we have been able to give him over the years, I now know he’s ready for this change.

IMG_4371

Miller I am so proud of everything you have achieved. You have bravely gone into the unknown and built relationships on your own and developed friendships that you will treasure forever. You work so hard to learn about the world and your surroundings, you take on challenges with great gusto and you’re so caring and considerate of your friends. (Most of the time!)

I know you are thinking lots about starting big school and making new friends. I know it can all seem a little bit scary, but I know that you are going to be just fine, because you are you. Your smile, your enthusiasm, kindness and comedic prowess fills a room with joy and I have no doubt that you are going to thrive in the next chapter of your life.

Mummy and Daddy will be there for you at every step of the way. Whether it’s a cuddle and a reassuring kiss, answers to the questions you have or a wrestle with Daddy to blow off some steam. You got it kid. We got you.

For all the Mama’s (and Daddies) out there feeling emotional about the last day of pre school. I’m with you. And if you’re holding back the tears know you are not alone today. I am a blubbering wreck who can no longer hold back the tears. They will not stop and I’ve still got an afternoon concert to go through. (I’m sure the teachers choose the songs with the biggest tear jerker factor!) We got this Mama’s. xx

Mission2Mum Loves: PennyClareMakes – 10% off for you

FullSizeRender

I love finding new independent shops and it’s even better when the Mama behind it has a model as cute as this one.

Clare is a Mama friend, met through another Mama friend, she’s a dance teacher at DanceFest, has three beautiful children and now runs PennyClareMakes with her own Mama. Which makes this venture all the more exciting in my opinion.

IMG_2903

I first discovered PennyClareMakes last year and snapped up one of their Easy Tiger banners, which has filled a very blank space in my living room. And now, I’m super excited (with baby on the way!) that they’re doing beautiful blankets and the cutest clothing line. I asked Clare to come and tell us a bit about the line. But first another photo of her beautiful little lady modelling the gorgeous dungarees and panda blanket…

FullSizeRender (7)

Clare – Penny Clare Makes: 

‘Our inspiration comes from my kids and the things that I like for them. I love putting them in unisex clothes and I also love matching them. I always choose comfortable clothes so pick a lot of jersey. I really like my kids to wear something a bit different and love choosing clothes for them- clothes shopping for them is a bit of a hobby. Totally living through their wardrobes!

‘A  while ago mum bought an amazing Serger machine and we really wanted to put it to good use. Originally we wanted to make clothes from fabric printed with our own designs – this is really expensive though and also it’s very hard to get custom prints onto 100% cotton jersey. It was important to us to use cotton and not synthetic fabrics as I only buy cotton for my kids.

‘We are still looking into this though and are hoping to soon be able to make a small limited edition amount of the cotton (not jersey) dungarees in our tiger and panda design- this is expensive but exciting!

‘We decided that we would begin the clothing range with bought fabric and found a supplier with fabrics we love. All items are made to order.

‘We are so teeny tiny at the moment but would love to build the business a bit- lots of work to do then.’

Here’s a selection of the clothes you can find in the collection:

FullSizeRender (6)

FullSizeRender (5)

FullSizeRender (2)

FullSizeRender (3)

FullSizeRender (1)

Clare and Penny are very kindly giving Mission2Mum readers 10% of your order. Just use code MISSION2MUM at checkout. And don’t forget to share pics of your cuties in their PennyClareMakes outfits on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook – search Mission2Mum – don’t forget to use hashtag #M2Mloves so we can see you. I will definitely be making the most of this offer.

Shop PennyClareMakes ‘here‘ and keep up to date with the latest products on their Facebook page and Instagram – just click on the links or search ‘PennyClareMakes’

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...